Friday December 11 will be etched in my memory for ever as it is the day that I decided to take my Luther to the vet for the final time.
I have documented his deteriorating health from when things started going south for the big guy, and Friday, made the decision to put him out of whatever misery he was living in on a daily basis.
Lu, for those who maybe reading this blog for the first time was my first guide dog, working from January 2001, until the summer of 2008.
He was a beautiful yellow labrador, standing 23 inches high and weighing anywhere from 74 to 77lbs on his good days with a few little ahem, hick ups along the way.
Lu and I shared quite the adventures over the years, ranging from a 3-month trip to the Bahamas, to countless hours on Greyhound buses traversing Ontario.
He was an amazing dog, placid and gentle, loyal and trustworthy and he will forever have a very special place in my heart.
Near the end of August, Lu began exhibiting symptoms indicating kidney disease, a fact confirmed by lab tests performed on him by our veterinarian.
I, being internet savvy, Google symptomes he was having and determined that there was a reasonably good possibility that Lu had Cushing’s disease, a fact confirmed by yet more lab tests.
He was put on a drug to treat the condition, but through nobody’s fault received too much of it, thus basically frying his pituitary gland.
He was put on prednizone to try to bring up his steroid levels, with limited success as following 2 subsequent blood tests, his steroid level was still far below what it should’ve been.
This last week, his dosage was increased considerably to kickstart the pituitary gland, but his tremors, which began sometime ago, and which were supposed to cease, in fact were persisting.
For the past 2 weeks, Luther on a daily basis spent the majority of his days lying on the floor quietly shaking and minding his own business, traits that would suggest he was not really loving life.
Since August, his eating pattern had also changed, with him reverting to passively approaching and consuming food, not typical behavior for him at all.
His excessive drinking and urinating, one of the sure signs of Cushing’s did cease when he began treatment, and even his constant tummy upset was checked to a degree thanks to the drugs.
His muscle tone, lost initially was beginning to return but his fatigue, disinterest in things around him and the constant tremors he was experiencing were persisting and on Friday seemed very, very prominant.
It is hard to know sometimes when the time is right to step in and interveen when our pets are not doing so well. People had told me that Luther would give me a sign when he was ready to go, but how does one really know what that sign is?
Is it a simple nuzzle of the head? Could it be when Lu sat down in front of me on Wednesday and gave me his paw for no apparent reason what soever?
It is all to easy to act in a selfish way, prolonging the lives of our pets for needs totally of our own and not those of our animals.
I can surely say that if I was Luther, I would want to die with dignity, not being forced to live out a life of sickness, just to prolong the optimism my owner would have of a potential cure.
I am sure in my heart that the decision I made on Friday was the right one, although it is easy to doubt when I reach down to pet a dog that is no longer there.
As my brother pointed out, Luther was able to walk into the animal hospital on his own, and right up until the end showed the gentle loving nature that made him the best dog ever.
Ironically just before Luther entered into my life, I was sitting on the floor in a room of the San Raffael guide dog campus residence, nervously awaiting to meet the dog that would change my life for ever.
On Friday when he died, I was once again, sitting on the floor with him, arms around him, head against his side, waiting to hear that final beat of his heart.
A part of me wishes that I was a believer in some form of afterlife, because if I did then knowing that Luther was going to a better place, disease free, would go a long way to making me come to terms with his death.
Luther - April 12 1999, to December 11, 2009.